Old photographs

And there's holes in the floor of heaven and her tears are pouring down
that's how you know shes watching wishing she could be
and sometimes if you're lonely just remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of heaven
and shes watching over you and me.

I miss my grandpa. Going through old pictures for my scrapbooks is really hard. I didn't even know some of these pictures existed. My grandpa and I were so close, in a weird way. We were both silent types. Even though I was young, I remember sitting at the tan laminate breakfast bar across from him, sipping orange juice while he started his day with strong alcohol. I almost felt like we could tune in to what the other was thinking. He introduced me to so many great things in life and taught me to never take them for granted.

I remember waking up in the morning on his blue and gray plaid couch to the most beautiful sunrise on the Illinois river I still to this day can ever remember seeing. He gave me my first pair of river shoes and let me stand in the river's wake when barges would lazily float past. We would sit at the end of his concrete dock and sink our feet into the muddy river water in the afternoons, not a care in the world.

I had so many great times with that man. He was and still is my role model. He really lived his life and I want to age in a similar way that he did, minus the morning alcohol.

I have so many strange encounters with him still. I believe in spirits visiting those they loved and I know I've had quite a few from Grandpa. He first taught me to fish with a snoopy fishing pole off of a huge rock on the side of the Illinois River banks. Once he passed away, I didn't go back to the river for a year. I ended up going to a birthday party at a friend's river house and decided to walk the beach and just think. I ended up being stopped by a huge pile of brush. At first I just turned around to go back, but then I saw the same type of Snoopy fishing pole Grandpa taught me how to fish with. I know it wasn't just a coincidence. He was there, I had felt it all afternoon.

Just a few months ago I was laying in bed, using my Stumble Upon toolbar and I got the strongest whiff of his scent. Like he was hugging me and I was burying my head in his black leather jacket, like I always used to do.

Just a moment, I was looking for a song on Youtube and the first video to pop up was the poem my mom read at his funeral.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson, 1936

What's odd, is all my childhood years, I had that poem framed and hanging on my wall.

xox,
L. Semonski